Caffeine Catnip!
by Crayola Emoticon
Summary: What happens when you give Grimmjow some Monster, Venom, Mountain Dew, 5-Hour Energy, expressos, pixie stix, and catnip? The answer: Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

HI! \(^_^) SECOND FIC! THIS IS TOTAL, INSANE CRACK THAT I CAME UP WITH WHILE TALKING TO MY FRIEND. THE SUBJECT: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU GAVE GRIMMJOW A MIX OF MONSTER, EXPRESSO, PIXIE STIX, AND FIVE-HOUR ENERGY SHOTS? THE ANSWER: READ TO FIND OUT! XD

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Szayel Apporro paced his chambers, trying to think of some way to keep Grimmjow awake during meetings. The cat-form Espada always slept through Aizen's meetings, to the point of curling up on the table. Aizen, needless to say, was annoyed, and had commissioned Szayel with the job of concocting something to keep the Sexta awake.

Szayel groaned. His brain was fried. Sighing, he went to his computer, turning on Hulu to watch a horror flick. They always kick-started his brain.

About a quarter of the way through, it came to a commercial for 5-Hour Energy. A light bulb went off in his head. PERFECT!

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Szayel was in the human world, in a Wal-mart, to be precise. He found his way to the cashier's alley, and stopped by each one, picking up every 5-Hour he saw. Then he went to the beverages and took all the Monster, Venom, Amp, and Mountain Dew. Then, the candy aisle for all the pixie stix he could find.

After his Wal-mart raid, he went to Starbuck's and Dunkin' Donuts and cleared out all their expressos.

Now to the pet store for the catnip.

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Szayel returned to Hueco Mundo with an evil grin, pulling a train of shopping carts behind him.

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Back in his lab, Szayel mixed everything into an enormous vat. When it was all mixed, which didn't take very long at all because pixie stix dissolve so easily, he measured out a portion and put it at Grimmjow's spot on the meeting table.

When Grimmjow arrived at the meeting, he sniffed suspiciously at his new "tea".

"Drink it, Grimmjow. Szayel was so kind as to prepare something that will keep you awake. The point of this meeting is to see how you will react to it."

Grimmjow glowered at Aizen, then obediently snatched the cup and drained it in five seconds.

Szayel whispered to Aizen, "I also mixed in some catnip, because it makes cats extremely hyper."

Grimmjow slammed the cup onto the table and twitched for a few seconds, then

BANG!

His head hit the table with enough force to crack it, and he twitched some more before letting out a high-pitched yowl that freaked everyone out. When they stopped and looked around, they found Grimmjow on the ceiling in his Pantera form, hissing and spitting, his pupils completely dilated.

SQUEAK!

They froze. What was that?

SQUEAK!

Oh. It was just a . _MOUSE?_

Grimmjow pounced and they all dove under the table as Grimmjow then proceeded to tear the room to shreds. After a very long while, Grimmjow left to terrorize the rest of Las Noches.

As they crawled out from under the table, they were shocked at the state of the room. It was completely demolished. Aizen sweatdropped. "Everyone, retire to your chambers and lock your doors. Gin, get to the monitor room and manipulate the corridors to keep Grimmjow in a loop."

They all ran.

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Apache was relaxing in the library when a dead mouse Hollow landed on her book. She looked up in time to see Grimmjow, who appeared to be on crack, leaping after it. She shrieked and scrambled out of the way. As he hit the table, he upset the vase of flowers that was sitting on it, and it spilled all over his head. He let out an enraged screech at getting wet when it wasn't his bathtime. When Apache heard it, she bolted, so panicked she left her mask where it now lay on the floor.

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Szayel hid under his bed. He just knew Aizen was going to blame him for this.

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o I'M SORRY! THIS HAD TO BE WRITTEN! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! **hides behind rock** PLEASE REVIEW! AND ANY FLAMES WILL BE USED BY GENRYUSAI TO HEAT MY HOUSE AND MAKE S'MORES! ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

A new victim…

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Szayel sat in his lab, mulling over notes from his Energize experiment. He shuddered at the memory. Grimmjow had stayed awake for five whole days, leaving a path of destruction in his wake, before crashing (literally) into a three-day sleep.

_(Flashback)_

_Lilynette poked Grimmjow with her Zanpakuto. "How long's he gonna sleep?" she whined._

_Nnoitra joined in with the prodding, only he went so far as to actually stab the comatose panther. The two continued this activity until Grimmjow woke up, by which time he was very nearly dismembered._

_(End Flashback)_

Szayel looked over at the flask of remaining potion. If it had had such an effect on Grimmjow, how would it affect Starrk, the laziest person ever…?

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Szayel snuck into the meeting room before anyone else arrived. At Starrk's seat, Szayel gulped down the tea in the mug and replaced it with the potion. Then he settled in to wait.

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Once the meeting began, several of the Espada, including Starrk, immediately gulped down their tea, not wanting to have to deal with the nasty taste over an extended period. (After all, Aizen always made them finish their drinks at the meetings.)

After Starrk had finished his, he settled in for a nap, then quickly sat up again, his eyes and fingers twitching. This continued the entire meeting, and Szayel followed him after to see what he would do.

The Primerva Espada was definitely restless. He paced up and down the corridors, generally freaking the other residents out. This went on the entire day, and as evening came, Starrk began yawning again, heading back towards his quarters. Once on his nice, fluffy bed, he immediately dropped into a deep slumber.

Outside the door, Szayel sighed to himself. This experiment had been nowhere near as interesting as the first one. Dejected, he wandered back to his laboratory.

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Thank you ValentineRevenge for giving me the suggestion. ^_^


End file.
